The worst time to discover you haven't built Relational Capital is when you desperately need it.

Maybe you need to deliver difficult feedback, ask for extraordinary effort, or lead people through a change they didn't ask for.

Without Relational Capital, feedback can create defensiveness. Change can create resistance. Extraordinary asks can get ordinary effort.

Your title gives you the authority to make the ask. It doesn't give people a reason to trust you.

That has to be earned.

If I were forced to boil great leadership down to two characteristics, strength and warmth would be near the top of my list.

Strength sets high standards, creates accountability, and challenges people to become better. Warmth communicates something equally important: I'm for you.

Think about a great coach. High-performing athletes want someone who pushes them, develops them, and tells them the truth. But they also need to trust that coach and believe the coach has their best interests in mind.

I think of Relational Capital like a bank account.

You make deposits when you keep your word, listen carefully, give credit, advocate for people, invest in their development, admit when you're wrong, and show up when there's nothing you need in return.

Most deposits aren't dramatic. They're small interactions that compound over time.

Then come the withdrawals: difficult feedback, higher expectations, hard decisions, extraordinary asks.

You can't make a Relational Capital deposit at the moment you need to make a withdrawal.

By then, your balance has already been established.

One way I've made those deposits is by paying attention to what I call Network Gold: the details people share that reveal what matters to them.

Names of spouses, kids, and even pets. Birthdays and anniversaries. Aspirations and challenges. An upcoming vacation or important milestone.

I pay particular attention to the VIPs in my life and work: the people and relationships I've intentionally identified as most important. When someone is a VIP, remembering what matters to them shouldn't be left to chance.

But paying attention isn't enough. You have to remember.

I capture important Network Gold in my Outlook contacts. Here’s a mocked-up example of what capturing Network Gold in a contact record can look like:

By investing just minutes per week in the things I really want at my fingertips, I put in the Recall Fitness reps using Anki, the same digital flashcard app used by medical students to master anatomy. And here’s a fictional example of a simple Anki card I use to practice recalling a person’s name:

The goal isn't to collect information on people. It's to care enough to remember what matters to them.

Ask about the vacation when they return. Remember their spouse's name. Follow up on the challenge they shared months ago.

People notice what you remember about them. They also notice what you repeatedly forget.

I've had team members work alongside me for 10 years, and some for more than 15. Those relationships weren't built through one big leadership moment. They were built through thousands of small interactions over years.

That's how Relational Capital compounds, and it's part of how you architect a high-performing culture where your team feels known, is challenged to grow, and wants to stay.

High performers want to be challenged. They just want to be challenged by leaders they trust.

If tomorrow required you to ask your people to stretch farther than they thought they could, have you made enough deposits today?

Great leaders aren't finished products. They become great because they decide to keep investing in themselves and the people around them. They start small, start fast, and keep building.

Start making deposits today. Build the habits and systems to remember what matters, and become the leader people want to follow.

Leadership Recall shows you how to build a Top-Tier Learning Operating System to capture, catalog, and recall what matters when it counts. I unpack Relational Capital, VIPs, Network Gold, Recall Fitness, Anki, and the systems behind them in the book.

📘 Get the Leadership Recall book at no cost.

🎯 Schedule a no-cost Executive Briefing: Explore how Leadership Recall can strengthen learning, recall, and performance across your organization.

👉 Remember what others forget. Command the room.

P.S. If a leader came to mind while reading this, make a small Relational Capital deposit. Take a moment to share this with them.

Let’s invest in people well,

Steve Kahle |  ELITE OPERATORS
In Pursuit of Elite